Acts 1 part 2: Eisegesis

Maybe this is how the meeting went before they got to Acts 1:8...

“Ok, friends, there are a few more things I need to share with you. I noticed some of you came prepared to be here a while. That’s good. I want you to stay in the city until you receive what’s coming. Don’t look at me like that. I’ve explained everything before. Its the gift from the Father that I spoke of. John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now. What I have to say is very important so could some of you lads go tell the latecomers to hurry
it up! While we wait let’s sing!

******

Andrew, Peter, nice of you to join us. Peter! Your beard looks beautiful today. Thanks for washing up for the occasion.”


“My beard is not nearly as clean as you have made my heart, My Lord. If you’ll permit, before you speak on, some of the brothers have a question.”

“When have I ever denied the curious? Indeed, I am so amazed by the refreshed appearance of your groomed visage I could watch you talk for hours if we didn’t have more immediate business. Ask on Mr. Rock.”

“If I had known you were so impressed by fastidious facial hair I would have bought a comb years ago, dear Rabbi. The question, I think, may pertain to our immediate business. We have been amazed by the way God has worked these forty days since you revealed yourself as Master over death and all Creation. Now we are wondering, is it at this time You are restoring the kingdom to Israel?”

“Now we come to it. I will answer your question without delay, and you must be satisfied. Listen closely...”

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